When Was The Last Time You Came Before Your Husband?
Dissecting The Marriage Orgasm Gap
So you thought putting a ring on it was the final moment. The happily ever after. Only matching holiday jammies, simultaneous orgasms, and oral after a long-day's work from here.
What is the orgasm gap?
The orgasm gap refers to a scientifically-backed phenomenon in heterosexual relationships: men orgasm more frequently than women (and there are consistent studies to back this up). Data shows that when people reflect on their sexual experiences over the past month, heterosexual men report orgasming 95% of the time, compared to just 65% of the time for heterosexual women.
In homosexual relationships, especially those that feature female-female partners, the gap is way less apparent.
So… what is the marriage orgasm gap?
As you’ve probably figured out, the marriage orgasm gap refers to the disparate ratio of orgasms between heterosexual married couples. It has been found that married men report orgasming 87% of the time, while married women report 49% of the time.
Don’t freak out yet. We’re not saying that in every heterosexual marriage there is a large gap, but research shows that there is a consistently noticeable difference in orgasm frequency between men and women in long-term relationships.
Why does this happen?
Let’s face it, the female orgasm is extremely complicated. It takes time and effort to help make the magic happen, and that can be intimidating for both the man and the woman involved. In the movies and television shows that we watch, we’ve learned to celebrate the male orgasm as a sign that sex is “finished” and if he doesn’t finish (or takes too long), women can feel as though they did something wrong, or that there is something wrong with their partner.
However, we culturally do not put the same expectations on the female orgasm– with 67% of heterosexual women claiming that they occasionally fake their orgasms. But that’s a blog topic for a different time.
What will help close the orgasm gap?
Our mission at WOO More Play is to help our customers have the best sex of their lives. We want to provide the resources to help you grow confident in the bedroom, a safe, anonymous space to ask your most intimate questions, and expert opinions to back up all the advice we’re giving. The below steps are here to help you break through the marriage orgasm gap.
Dismantling the Marriage Orgasm Gap: Tips & Tricks
There are many great resources online talking about the marriage orgasm gap and what we can do about it (like this great article from Fatherly). But we get it, it can be overwhelming to figure out what to search and who to trust. We’ve compiled what we believe are the most helpful tips & tricks below.
*Prioritize Her Pleasure
Like we mentioned, societally we’ve been trained to prioritize male orgasm and ejaculation. When we shift our efforts and prioritize her pleasure, we get that much closer to closing the orgasm gap. Orgasms for her are more likely to happen when she is comfortable, time is spent, and there isn’t pressure to perform. And remember, penetration will always feel the best when the ENTIRE clitoris is stimulated, she is fully engorged, and the lubrication (both natural and Coconut Love Oil) is flowing freely.
We may sound like a broken record at this point, but foreplay is the main ingredient in all of our most delicious recipes. The entire clitoris is much larger than what you see on the outside, and it extends under the flesh on each side of her lips. Shaped like a wishbone, she will engorge (meaning the area around the vaginal opening and outer lips feel full) when aroused. When she is engorged, taking 20 to 40 minutes of stimulation and exploration will help you notice how her lips become much more swollen and her natural lubrication increases– making orgasm all the more likely.
Communication is key in all facets of your relationship, but especially when it comes to your sex life. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner what feels good, and what doesn’t feel good – what you need more & less of. Have a fantasy you want to try? Did you experience something during masturbation that helped turn the lights on? Tell your partner.
WOO Tip: Try having these conversations outside of the bedroom, and before intimacy begins so that neither partner feels pressured or judged on performance. We suggest taking a long walk and opening up the conversation to your partner gently.
We get it, the idea of scheduling sex sounds extremely un-sexy. But with kids, work stress, and various responsibilities, making time for spontaneous intimacy can be tricky. Adding intimacy into your schedule and prioritizing time for pleasure allows you to stay connected to your partner. You can also use scheduling as a way to begin foreplay earlier in the day– send your partner a text while you’re sitting at your desk about all of the things you can’t wait to do to them later that night.
*Make Room for Sexual Variety & Excitement. Have Fun!
Sex is supposed to be FUN. Try new things when you can, have sex in different locations, and bring toys into the bedroom (might we suggest a clitoral vibrator). Just like the above, tell your partner where and when to meet you in the house for a private rendezvous. Want a Pretty Woman moment? Get the kids a sitter, and book a hotel room an evening away with your special someone.
*Ignore Pop Culture Fallacies
Lastly, unlike most movies made in the twentieth century, don’t expect your orgasms to always sync up. It is more than okay to cum before your partner, keep playing with each other until both are satiated :)