Talk To Your Partner About Your Fantasies. WOO’s Tips To Break The Ice
We want you to feel like you have all of the tools in your box to make your fantasy a reality. So today, we’re diving in on how to level up your relationship by discussing fantasies openly with your partner.
Sexual fantasies are simply not talked about enough, which is why many of us feel uncomfortable bringing them up to a lover. Yet, they are completely normal and quite possibly just the conversation your relationship is missing.
A study by social psychologist and Kinsey Institute research fellow Justin Lehmiller uncovered that 97% percent of surveyed Americans reported having sexual fantasies . While many people admit to having fantasies, they often come with much hesitation and uncertainty, and sometimes large omittances.
Most of the time we’re in our heads about sharing our deepest fantasies with our lover. We think they are going to judge us or be weirded out. Spoiler alert: They probably won't be! In fact, they probably have fantasies they want to share with you as well.
We get it, sometimes the toughest part of trying something new can be simply talking about it. However, what many of us don’t realize is that an immense sense of intimacy and trust can be created by sharing your desires with a partner. Feeling heard, respected, and seen by another person will elevate your relationship to an entirely new level.
How to Approach the Conversation
First off, it is important to realize that there are never-ending configurations of sexual fantasies. This means that it’s highly unlikely you are the only one with yours. If you are hesitant to share yours, try and remind yourself that there is nothing weird or different about it.
Similarly, this also means that your partner may have an entirely different fantasy than you and it is important to not hold judgment or shame when sharing.
Step 1- Know what you want.
Before coming to your partner with an idea, it is important to have clarity on what you’re envisioning. Not only does this allow you an opportunity to tune into your fantasy, but it also provides your partner with a very clear understanding.
If you are unsure of what your sexual fantasy is, check out our recent article on uncovering your fantasy.
Step 2- Clearly communicate.
Be as detail-oriented as possible. Any detail is a good detail worth sharing. For example, “I want you to drip hot candle wax on my body,” doesn’t give a ton of direction. Rather, “I am imagining you dripping a burning lavender candle slowly over my breasts and then massaging it over them,” paints a much better picture.
Painting a picture of what you want can be a huge turn-on and get the mood going for you and your partner. It also allows your partner to think about any concerns or questions they may have. Perhaps this prompts your partner to ask, “Where else would you like me to drip the candle over your body?”
You might just find yourself getting further turned on, while also cultivating a new level of trust and respect in your intimate life.
WOO Tip: Timing is everything. Make sure you don’t just spring this conversation on your lover. Find a good time to bring it up, and be sure to do so in an exciting way. Focus on the positives in your sex life together and avoid any negatives.
Step 3- Set Boundaries + Check-In.
Don’t be afraid to talk through your entire fantasy with your partner. The clearer the communication, the better the outcome.
Some possible talking points: Where will you be? Are you playing a specific role? What will it look like? Do you have a safe word? What if someone becomes uncomfortable?
WOO Tip: If you are short on talking points, look no further than our Nightcap card game to get the ball rolling.
Last but not least, be sure to check in after your experience. Are you feeling satisfied? Is there something you want to tweak? Did something surprise you? Remember, living fantasies are a learning process for all involved. Some things may not go as planned, and some may blow your mind!