Knocking on Heaven’s (Back) Door -- Let’s Talk About Anal Play!

Anal sex definitely has a reputation. Some love it, while others hate it... Whichever side you fall on, we can all agree on one thing – anal sex is a conversation-stopper.

What Is Anal Sex?

The old-school definition of anal sex is penis insertion inside the anus for sexual pleasure... But it doesn't have to be only a penis! You can insert a finger, or a sex toy (amongst other objects, but we are not going to talk about it here...), and even your tongue (it's called rimming).  

Benefits of Anal Sex

There are many benefits of anal sex, just like with any other form of sex. But let's talk about the two most obvious benefits. First, is pleasure. Anal sex feels good, and orgasms are healthy for us. 

Second is that anal sex can make your relationship better. Yeah, you've read that right! Novelty helps ensure long-term relationship satisfaction which is why platforms like Arya focus on making it radically easy for couples to try new things and to turn exploration into a way of life.

Trying anal sex with a partner is one way to bring novelty into your relationship and bring you closer to your partner. 

Is Anal Sex Safe?

Anal sex is just as safe as any other form of sex. As long as all parties enthusiastically consent to the activity, and you follow safe-sex rules (safe anal sex = lots of lube), you're good!

Does Anal Sex Hurt?

Anal sex should never hurt. Your anus is pretty marvelous and can expand to fit quite a lot without any pain. The key is preparation, being relaxed, and LOTS of lube. 

How To Have Anal Sex: Tips & Tricks To Blow Your Mind

Here are a few essential tips that are good to know for beginners to make exploring anal pleasure easier: 

Talk It Through

You don't want to be poking around your partner's A-hole with your fingers, tongue, or penis without talking to them about it first. If you're curious to try anal sex with your partner, share it with them. 

It's always best to keep these types of conversations outside the bedroom so that your partner gets time to think about it and won't feel pressured into something they might not be ready for. 

So, next time you're out in town on a date night, try something like:

• "Babe, there is something I’ve been fantasizing about trying with you...What do you think about exploring anal play?"

Lube It Up, Baby!

Believe us when we say that there aren't many things in life worse than dry anal... To avoid unpleasant sensations during your first time having anal sex, make sure you have PLENTY of lube on hand. 

Coconut oil lube is a perfect choice for a few reasons. First, because it's oil-based it's long-lasting, so you don't have to re-apply it during intimacy. Second, it tastes like vanilla cupcakes, so it's the perfect lube for rimming. 

Now, if you're going at it with a condom, then you'll want a water-based lube like the Shag Juice. It's super easy to clean, non-staining AND it's 100% suitable to use with sex toys (for those toe-curling P-spot orgasms). 

Don’t Forget (fore)PLAY

We can't stress enough the importance of foreplay for sex. Esther Perel says that "Foreplay is the art of anticipation" and it has a huge impact on the quality of your intimate time. 

For anal sex to be pleasurable, it's crucial that you and your partner are relaxed. So, spend LOTS of time doing all the fun foreplay things you enjoy, and you might even want to get one (or a few) orgasms in before you try knocking on the back door if you know what we mean. 

Spice It Up With Edging

If you or your partner are nervous to dive head-on into the realm of anal sex, you might want to try sprinkling a little bit of anal play here and there with other sexy and fun activities, like edging. 

Edging is one of the sexual practices we encourage couples to try at Arya, and it involves bringing yourself (or your partner) VERY close to an orgasm, but not allowing yourself (or your partner) to cum. The beauty is doing it a few times so that when you do finally cum, you literally see stars... That's how good edging is. 

It's very easy to slip some anal play into edging with a partner. Use your favorite clitoral vibrator to stimulate the outside of the anus while you use your hands (or mouth) to pleasure your partner's penis or vagina at the same time. Trust us – the vibrating sensations back there feel super good!

When your partner is close to the edge, back off all the stimulation... And then begin the teasing again. 

New to vibrators? We got you – check out the how does a vibrator work guide. 

Get Clean Before You Get Dirty

There is no better place to try anal sex for the first time than your shower. Listen, when it comes to anal sex, there might be some cleanup to do! There is no shame in it, and it's a natural part of the process.

If you want to save yourself the effort with the cleanup, try anal sex in the shower, or during a bath. Plus, shower play is super sexy and it's a great way to show your partner just how much you appreciate their body.

WOO Tip: outside of the shower, use feminine wipes to help make cleanup easier!

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Written by Karolina Wilde for WOO More Play in collaboration with Arya

About Arya

Life is so grown up and you two deserve some playtime. Insert your new bestie Arya — a monthly subscription to reignite the spark, try new sexual experiences, and grow closer to your partner. Each month, Arya members receive a new Scene, expertly guided activities, and a box of goodies so you can safely explore dirty talk, sensation play, partner massage, anal play, beginner's bondage, edging, erotic kissing, and so much more.